Tears Change Plans

I am avoiding.  I admit it.  No shame. No guilt.  Eight hours were carved out of my calendar today with the intention to let the fingers freely tap dance on the keyboard like Fred Astaire and write blog posts about life’s adventures and promoting business.  Then life happened.  Like a cat wrapped around my ankle gnawing and scratching with its hind legs, my thoughts wandered into dark places I wish to kick out the door.

Yesterday a young man was found dead, by his mother in their home, of an apparent drug overdose.  I have known this loving family since I was a rebellious teen.  This was the second drug overdose in less than a year for them.  Before judging, please understand the cousins were raised in “good” homes with parents who loved them unconditionally.  Tears flow from my heart as I try to offer them comfort.  I sincerely wish I could do more for them.

My father.  [deep breath]  The man I call Daddy is in the later stages of Alzheimer’s.  The disease has sent him tumbling down the ‘rabbit hole’ with a mighty shove.  Slowly, or quickly depending on whom you talk too, his capabilities to walk and function as an adult fade into the abyss; complete vulnerability behind his bright blue eyes.  One day last week he wakes up from one of his afternoon naps and miraculously he can walk and (kinda sorta, not really) is able to hold conversations with us.  This lasted for about five days.  You see the power surges, as we call them, never last for too long and is followed by a deeper descent into the ‘rabbit hole’.  Last night he passed out while standing and hit the floor like a tree falling in the forest – hard and with a loud thud.  Tears flow from my heart as I try offer assistance to help my mother.

Our family has endured the quick and unforeseen deaths, and the longest good-byes.  Neither is easy.  Age is of no consequence; the heartbreak is the same.  Healing takes time.  Love never fades, just shifts and evolved into something deeper.  Forgiveness transforms into an authentic action.  Hugs are tighter from those offering support.  A silent shoulder to lean on appears in the time of need.  Loneliness takes on a new role as life is altered in a single moment.  The true blessing is realizing that life is an amazing adventure.  And knowing – it’s okay to cry.

Please tell me how your life is…tell me tales of adventures…glorious sunsets you’ve watched from your front porch… share with me stories of your babies.  As my father told me, “Life goes on. Let it.”